


the puddles outside

by anotherdirtycomputer



Category: Marvel (Comics), Young Avengers (Comics)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Asexual Character, Asexuality, Bisexual Tommy Shepherd, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Trans Character, asexual tommy shepherd, david is a good boyfriend, trans tommy shepherd
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-15
Updated: 2018-09-15
Packaged: 2019-07-12 16:59:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15999491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anotherdirtycomputer/pseuds/anotherdirtycomputer
Summary: David comes home from the library to find his boyfriend not feeling too well.





	the puddles outside

**Author's Note:**

> finally, finally got an actual thinkfast fic written... it took me long enough. hopefully i got david's voice alright! i haven't written anything in a long time, but i love him loads, he deserves more content. i have a more david-centric fic planned for later, but this is in his (3rd) pov to make up for it.
> 
> this is a bit of a vent fic, so be warned for some Sad Shit, internalized aphobia, mention of dysphoria, and discussion of sex. also, i typed this all up on my phone and then copy-pasted to ao3 (also with phone), so sorry if formatting is a bit off! i'll do my best to fix it.

David stepped into the apartment, soaking wet, and shook off his umbrella, sighing. The rain outside was coming down in sheets, and while he appreciated the somewhat dreary feeling of it, he'd appreciate it a lot more if his umbrella were able to make any kind of difference.

He took off his shoes after shucking off his coat, lining them up next to Tommy’s by the door. The image of it, so domestic, made him smile, a warm feeling spreading through his chest. The thought of Tommy always made him smile. It also made him realize how quiet their apartment was. This wasn’t a bad thing -- Tommy liked to nap during the day sometimes, and he was pretty quiet when he worked on his therapy journal, usually. He was probably just in the bedroom, doing just fine. 

The feeling followed him, an odd buzz at the back of his neck that hinted to David that something was wrong, even as he took off his wet socks and rolled up his pant legs. It was behind him, even as he threw the socks in the dirty clothes, washed his hands, reached for -

Ah. That might be it. Next to the sink was a black ring, a simple band of dark metal. Tommy’s ring. It was odd to see it somewhere that wasn’t Tommy’s hand… Even when he took it off, it was usually so he wouldn’t lose it in the shower or while doing chores. A cursory glance at the filthy dishes in the sink told David that Tommy hadn’t left the ring by the sink by mistake.

He took a deep breath, picked up the ring carefully, and made his way to the bedroom. The bedroom light was on, which meant Tommy was most-likely still home -- not that he’d ever leave without his ring. Not unless he’d stuffed it somewhere safe beforehand, at least. Clearing his mind of those thoughts, David carefully opened the door. If Tommy was working on his therapy journal, then David didn’t want to startle or distract him, after all.

“Tom,” His voice came quietly into the room, inoffensive against the white noise of rain. “You in here?”

Tommy was. His outline was barely recognizable, two different blankets pulled over his head. Likely, he hadn’t wanted to get up and turn off the lights. His legs were barely defined, but by the way they appeared to be bent, it seemed he was facing away from David, towards the window. Also worth noting; he was on David’s side of the bed.

This usually wasn’t a good sign. That uneasiness bit at the back of David’s neck again, and continued to when Tommy didn’t reply.

“Tommy?” Quiet enough to be comforting, loud enough to wake, just in case. “Hey, baby, I’m home.”

The shape under the blankets grew smaller, pulling into itself.

David steeled himself for whatever this meant, quietly stepping towards the bed. Sometimes, Tommy didn’t like to be touched, but, with the weight of the cold ring in his hand influencing his decision, David reached out, knowing Tommy could feel the weight of his touch even through the blankets. 

“Tom?” he tried again, more of a question this time.

Slowly, the blankets slunk down to reveal Tommy’s face, pale and blotchy and sad. He didn’t look at David, averting his eyes like he was ashamed. “Sorry about…” His breath seemed to run out, and he swallowed. “I thought you’d be home later than usual.”

“I am home later than usual.”

“...Oh.”

“Have you been in bed all day?”

“No!” Tommy’s eyes widened a bit, allowing David to notice just how red they were. Like he’d cried for a long while, but was finished for now. “I was going to do some cleaning. I kind of started, but I ended up, um. Sitting in the living room for a while.”

David leaned down, pressed a kiss to Tommy’s hair, careful to keep his wet clothes off the bed. “That’s alright.” He wanted to say  _ I’m proud of you for making that effort _ , but sometimes Tommy took words like that strangely. Tommy didn’t always need validation or support. Sometimes he just needed to be seen for what he was.

“I’ll do the dishes soon -- for real soon.” Tommy didn’t flinch away from David’s hand on his face, thumb briefly stroking a slow line over his cheekbone, or his eye contact. “Promise.”

_ It’s just dishes. They’ll be fine.  _ But, it wasn’t just dishes to Tommy, was it? David sometimes had a hard time remembering that. “Thanks, baby.” He leaned forward to kiss Tommy, lingering and closed-mouthed, and only pulled away to tease with a small smile, “I’ll hold you to that.”  _ No, I won’t. _

But, the response made Tommy smile in return, even as his eyes remained sad, so David took it as a small (momentary) victory.

“I can,” Tommy looked away again, his smile gone. “I can make dinner, too. Try and get laundry done.”

David stared. “It’s alright, you don’t have to.”

This wasn’t the response Tommy was looking for. He looked stricken, suddenly -- all of his expressions were so sudden, his feelings moved as fast as the rest of him -- and he said, “But, I want to make you happy.”

A laugh was startled out of David, a nervous, confused sound that made Tommy’s eyebrows pull together even further. “You already make me happy. Chores are just chores.”

Tommy swallowed, but luckily didn’t seem close to crying again. They were both bad with crying, and seeing Tommy cry felt like a punch to the gut. “But I want to make you  _ happy _ .” Before David could reply, “You should change your clothes. You’re … probably cold. I’m sorry.”

“It’s not like you caused the rain, Tommy. You don’t have to apologize.” David  _ was _ cold, though, he was right about that. Moreso, he was worried. Before he could take off his clothes, he had to put the ring down -- when it hit the desk, Tommy’s face twisted in shame again, and he turned away from David. Tommy’s reaction was strange, but not surprising. David made quick work of his wet clothes, moving towards the closet to put on something dry. While he looked for a comfortable shirt to sleep in, he racked his brain for the correct response, flipping through hundreds of mental encyclopedias. “But, thank you for thinking of me. I appreciate that.” Then, because he’s not made of stone, and missed his boyfriend today, he tacked on an “I love you.”

Tommy was quiet while David dressed. Only when David was sliding under the covers next to him, did he reply, “I love you, too.”

David couldn’t help the smile, leaning forward to kiss Tommy again. This time, Tommy leaned into it too, turning his body to face David and hooking his leg between David’s. David sighed into the kiss. The library had been nice, as always, but cuddling up to a warm Tommy after being soaked to the bone in the rain was absolutely perfect. 

“Hey, Tommy?” David asked between kisses.

“Mhm?”

“What was wro- Oh!” Reacting in pure shock, David pushed Tommy’s hand away from his groin, putting distance between them. “What are you doing?”

“I’m,” Tommy swallowed. “Um?”

“You don’t… I mean,” David glanced towards the black ring on the desk, then back at Tommy in concern. “You’re worrying me. What’s up with you today? Are you alright?”

Tommy didn’t answer. His face was pale, and distraught.

“Baby, you look like you’ve spent all day crying, and now, you,” David shook his head. “I mean, is that… the problem? You usually keep your ace ring on all the time, and you’ve never, um…” He felt a little embarrassed. It seemed inappropriate to bring up, somehow, looking at Tommy’s anxious eyes and wobbly lip. “You know it’s not a problem to me. You make me happy. I’m not going to make you do something you dislike just because you want to please me.”

Tommy swallowed hard. “I just-” He grew silent again, and was suddenly facing the opposite direction. “Sorry, I’m- I just want to- I mean, I know that- but-”

David pulled closer, wrapping an arm around Tommy from behind. “Tommy… What’s been bothering you today?”

“I don’t want to be this way.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m- It’s not natural. I love you. I want to make you happy.”

“You make me happy already. What’s so unnatural about that?”

Tommy huffed, frustrated, rolling over to face David again. “You  _ know _ that’s not what I mean.”

“Then what?”

“I just told you!”

“Then explain it more.”

“I…” He swallowed again, worried his bottom lip while he settled his breathing. “David, I-” Another frustrated huff. “Why am I broken?”

There it was -- the one little gear keeping the others from turning. David pulled Tommy into a more upright position, which he grudgingly allowed, until they were sitting cross-legged across from each other. David held Tommy’s hand, running his thumb over Tommy’s knuckles.

“You’re not broken, Tommy.”

“I am.” He sounded almost monotone now; bone-tired. “Everyone can do it. It’s normal. Hell, it’s supposed to be  _ fun _ . I’m your partner, right? I’m supposed to do what I can to make you happy -- and if that means doing the dishes or cooking dinner or sucking you off, then-!”

David raised an eyebrow. “Those things aren’t even remotely connected! I mean, yeah, I  _ kind of _ expect you to help cook or clean sometimes, but that’s because we live together. It’s not like I particularly love doing those things, and I know that things are sometimes difficult for you, but you’re trying, so I’m not about to start getting upset with you any time soon. And sex is -- sex isn’t even remotely connected. You don’t have to do that. The fact that you see it  _ as a chore _ -”

“That’s the whole problem! Normal people don’t see it that way! It’s -- I don’t know, love-making or whatever! It’s good and fun and  _ intimate _ and,” David’s heart jumps unpleasantly at the way Tommy starts to choke up. “Why can’t I have that? Why do I have to be a freak? I know that, even if you say it doesn’t matter, you’d be happier if I could. I feel so guilty. I feel like I’m keeping you from something important and wonderful.” 

David held the side of Tommy’s face, somewhat horrified. “ _ You’re  _ important and wonderful. Your smile, your sense of humor, your kindness, your asexuality -- all of it. All of you. I don’t need-”

“I know!” Tommy sighed, then held his hand against David’s where it cupped his cheek. “I know you love me.” A brief smile touched his face, but it fell just as quickly. “But, there are ways I can’t fulfill you, and that makes me…”

As he trailed off, David bit his lip. “It doesn’t make you broken.”

Tommy shrugged, like he didn’t believe it. “Partnerships have… expectations. Love has expectations.”

“Maybe it shouldn’t have expectations like that. Even if you weren’t ace, if you didn’t want to sleep with me, it wouldn’t make you a bad partner. You’re thoughtful, you’re supportive, you’re patient. You’re always willing to pick up take-out when I don’t feel like going anywhere. You never get angry at me for forgetting something, even if it’s important.” 

“Stop,” Tommy whispered. His cheeks were very pink.

The list, in David’s opinion, was a bit too long to state all at once, anyways, so he stopped there. “You’re an amazing partner, Tommy. You’re my boyfriend, and sometimes I almost can’t believe it. I  _ love you _ . So much. And, I know I don’t say it often, but being with you makes me feel like a very lucky man.” He thought for a moment, watching the emotions play over Tommy’s face. He knew he wasn’t really understanding it -- for all his information, every person was different. When it comes to the individual, his knowledge only goes so far. But, just to be safe, he tried, “And, you know, if you’d ever want to do something, or experiment, just to set the mind at ease, to see what it would be like between us, I’m open to the idea.”

Tommy’s nose wrinkled. “You’re so handsome. And warm. And gentle.” His voice grew more quiet the more he talked. “But I don’t want to. I  _ want _ to want to, but…”

David kissed him again. “It doesn’t make you broken.”

Tommy sighed. “T.V. says differently. The public says differently. Even some of our friends might say differently. That’s why I wear that stupid ring instead of telling anyone.”

David’s head turned towards the desk again. He carefully stood from the bed, retrieved it, and sat back down, while Tommy continued.

“I don’t want that thing anymore. I might as well just write ‘freak’ across my forehead.”

Tommy’s sadness did this a lot; grow larger and larger then smaller, then into anger, all of his self-hate coming out at once like smoke building from a fire between his ribcage hissing out of his mouth until he was well again.

At least we’re through the worst of it, David thought.

“You don’t see other parts of your identity this way.” David noted. “Not being trans, or being a mutant, or being bi. Why is being ace the one you don’t like?”

Tommy sighed, watching David’s hand as it toyed with his ace ring. “I didn’t like being those things when I first figured it out.”

“So… Being ace just needs time, too?”

Shifting uncomfortably, Tommy shrugged. “Maybe. I mean… I don’t know. I’ve known for a long time I didn’t like sex -- I’ve had it before, seeked it out even, because I thought people just  _ did that _ . I thought everyone felt like I did. But, instead, I’m broken.”

David gave a great sigh, stilling the hand with the ace ring and looking Tommy in the eye. “Can I tell you what I think? I don’t want to be offensive, so-”

Tommy scoffed, ran a hand through his hair. “Be offensive. I know you don’t mean it.”

“Alright… Well, sometimes you tell me that, being trans- well, that, as a man, in a cisnormative society, you know, that you feel something is missing. And that’s because of dysphoria, right? And I tell you that I don’t think that about you, that every part of you is the man that I love. You aren’t  _ lacking _ anything, you’re just a different shape, right?” He took a minute to think, reaching out to run his fingers up and down Tommy’s arm adoringly. 

“Alright…”

“Your asexuality isn’t a lack of something, either - it’s the shape of it. And that’s all there is to it to me.”

For a moment, only the weather dained to speak. Tommy watched the bedspread, following the tangled waves of the blankets, but David could tell he was thinking it over, trying to reconcile David’s idea of him with his own of himself. 

Then, his green eyes glanced up at David, wide but guarded, almost as if to gauge whether or not his words were genuine. Sometimes, it seemed to David that it was impossible for Tommy to accept anything said about him as truth, shy of an insult.

“You’re perfect,” David repeats. “I know it’s corny, but,” He glances sideways, not-quite embarrassed, but when their eyes meet again, Tommy is smiling. That makes David smile, too. “I mean it. I’m not missing out on anything, and neither are you. This is  _ our _ relationship. It’s perfect the way it is.”

All the tension in Tommy’s body left immediately, from the top down, and the sudden, lazy smile on his face almost made David laugh.

“Okay?”

“Yeah,” Tommy’s smile grew. “We’re okay. But, um,” He reached out with his right hand for the ring, but before he could grab it, David took hold of Tommy’s wrist and slid it on his middle finger himself. “Oh!”

David did laugh this time. “I’ve wanted to do that almost the whole time I’ve been home.”

“...Thank you, David.” He moved quickly, plopping himself on David’s lap and laying his head on David’s shoulder. “You’re perfect, too.”

“Thanks. You’re sweet.” He presses a kiss to Tommy’s smiling mouth. “Now, the  _ important _ part of tonight.”

“Oh?” He gave David smiley kisses in return, looking at him with warm eyes. “What’s the important part?”

“Dinner. I, uh, forgot to eat lunch.”

Tommy laughed out loud, rolling his eyes. “Of course you did. You’re worse than me sometimes, brainiac.” Suddenly, he’s by the door, restlessly shifting his weight from leg to leg. He crosses his arms to lean against the doorframe, and the sight of the ring on his finger makes David smile. “I’ll make dinner and you tell me about today’s big library venture?”

Thunder cracks outside, and they both jump before laughing together.

“Sounds perfect.”

**Author's Note:**

> small disclaimer: i am trans, bi/pan, and ace, but my experiences are not going to be universal for all trans/bi/ace people, so take what you read with that in mind ♡
> 
> comment and kudos are a speedster's best friends!


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